A letter from Feb 15, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Your power scares me. You are pure potential, nothing physical or tangible yet. Well at least not in my timeline yet, although I know you exist now, there are an infinite amount of ways that I will meet you, and also an infinite amount of ways that I will not. This is what scares an exhilarates me. I don't know what you will be feeling or where you will be. I will not set goals for you or make you feel responsible for me, instead I will tell you things that I believe now to be true and things I hope will be true in the future. There is a level of grounding that I do not believe I have yet, and I am hoping to build it for you because I think we deserve stability in our selves. There are many ways I feel like I could fail you, but I'm trying to not see it that way. Everything we both want I known we can get together but the wanting is not the problem. There is no lack of want within me, there is perhaps a lack of need or rather - a lack of knowing what I need. It evades language, and Im learning what I really need must be found in myself, no one can give it to me. No one knows you or loves you like I do. This is not a problem or an obstacle, this is so special. So, I think what I want to say is do your best, don't let anyone treat you like you are less than. Don't let anyone get away with it. Your peace and solitude is from within, nurture that seed, feed her with literature, music, good food, good ***, laughter, silence and happiness. Write to her as often as you can, speak to yourself, touch yourself, be with yourself in the way you want someone else to be. You are an entire world untouched, many parts unknown, start with you. Start with me. I will get to know me, and I will share everything I know with us. I love you more than anything and it will be okay. You don't need anyone to see you and don't fight for anyones attention ever. The right ones will see me.