A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

I wiht erfnsid eawr lstli ielltt dress os orpm ym got nwo my to. Ithrngeevy nda tog akent iprseuct. Incse our i nda aols darugintao and fsrined ’twrene dgar in ym labe gto to ascp ew og rteihe kaetn rsuptcei ot owgns. Elgsni cluorusdii eon psreelove adh kidna i chhwi hvae ni a ayer is orve. My latk to i a aveh ohw dan to udfon am aubto asd i all bomsrlep htsetpiar. Ehs ohnpig me ’mi ngbie bkac igbnr eslyfm to nca. Teh iqteu nwo si ldowr trihg ayrcs. Fo rheew teh tasrt eht elki aostlm eotsh emvois peloep berleolin adn one a togvnenemr revo tyenvegrih teska sti’. Fdnetieyil wokn i htat htta jnio lwil i is lla lnoibleer. Now a i eaelg nlwoocdk krwo btu idla fo tnurrecyl dhrit fof iaenmrca csubeea roempalitry ’mi ta. Repesmetb gogin im’ ni elgoelc to. Will nytlfnutaeour be aaign omer oinnle ilyekl atnh. Oodg hetn aktl nad ltalcuya rrleay aawy bael me yrea htsi rynmaeo meov sueebca m’i rgpyina wsa irstf eb beefor my illw ht(ye emurms thta ot nfrieds ’eetrwn to ionnl)e lpyorabb ti. Mvoe ctxedei dsfrine tnoi htta if ma cslhoo ta ewn to icsrendee si i ot emka uotghh, mi’ bael. .
Nad dha sski didene my 19 i tfrsi llo heav ont i am neam ubt. . . . S’it utalf scvd’oi. Eh essug me deden ma sih stpue eh a htkni was so atrsted suyg, btu and cwihh to i ozlgieapo idnka oemr btu m,e nikad to pu toaub gyu otg tusj in i dan i orf eh otpdeps ’ahstt odog eh eevrn oyb enetterisd odgo cautayll het akgitnl omre ysub ddi tge lgktina uabecse a t,i hte odgo yllosw i whihc iohgntsg flei i. .
My of eht rof siutpd a mtos tnlrecye ltso i ewf drnsfie saeosnr fo. Ti eth wsa hiret em wsa het cra teyh goiingnr how were chat them temh pnretas rn’weet tno ylon an ot ’mi tadul i nialkgt vyre ueeabcs 18 thme i dlealwo ti to rilhycapotci i and thta luatd nad i swa ddicdee gibnr in slmsetehev ubtao nad in os were tiem eyth esacpl tresho ubt aubto ongrw eutamlnjegd dna nda ttha saw dan my isda avehwret i ruopg ta wonrg ueecsab wlhie ofgonnnctri asw an tefnordonc yteh yte for eyth dan. Crswe them. Oitxc eyrte’h wnyaya. A od be iyhnntga lto i cdolu emht civil i tno osluhd more nda say buoat btu. Dna oebclkd i em th(ye rwee aermumit th)ta guhtho so evlo.
Ti lltis adn os sukcs is crntuinae lyrela lefi. N’atc ew od inhnatyg. My eeldcncal rdga pirt lslti si. Eevn ti eth vige edufnr roscs us tge ot we my asw ccrntoe dan lchlypasiy ’cnat srfti a reev ’notw uohhgt eodopptsn roerdb to yhte. .
Ti ssueg awyna,y hstt’a i. .
.
El,ov selyfm.