A letter from March 24th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, i hope you're in your dream college today and everything is not in quarantine. Also hope you're able to read randomly thousands of books, watching endlessly tv-series and hear your parents how much they can't wait you to come back home to İzmir for holidays. I just checked the part i wrote now and i realize how formal it is smh.(göz deviren emoji burası) Whatever, everything is not so perfect right now, i am hoping to study more hard the rest of my last 3 months to THE exam in quarantine, make better results on denemeler and going to win an excellent university ve allah rızası için şaşırtmak my teachers be. Valla geri kalan zamanım için 12. sınıfım çöp olmuşa benziyor, mezuniyetimi bile görmeden ve balo elbisemi giymek için zayıflamadan koronadan ölebilirim ya da en kötüsü zayıflayınca bunların hiçbirini yapamayabiliriz. ALLAM LÜTFEN 2020'de EXCELLENT ÜNİVERSİTE YARABBİ. Nys. -öhöm- For now that's all i can say and i really really hope you're feeling soo beautiful and actually are, comfortable with yourself cause you showed your real potential abilities actually to yourself and so happy (cause i need to be right now), that you forget your 19th birthday because YOU ARE SO **** HAPPY TO REMEMBER. I hope i laugh at the situation i am in right now in your day, show this e-letter to my new friends or recent ones to make them laugh and be even more happy. Also, maybe you're in contact with Beyza, Rabia, İclal, Yaren and Gökçen. Maybe you're not. Maybe you met Asude again. Maybe you lost one of them. It doesn't matter, try contact and thank the rest please. Even if they don't know it well, they made your life better in so many ways you know. If you don't, know it. Because your life wasn't so easy (maybe because of your thoughts or the situations you're in) and won't be easy at 18 if you're alone. Make 19 better for yourself. Eat sushi, secretly hate it. Drink as much as you can. PLS CHANGE UR STYLE. Learn a new language. Improve yourself. Try everything you want. Don't dissapoint your 8-year-old-self like i did. Please love yourself. Don't push to crush even if things go wrong. Kendine de iyi bak, soğuktur oralar. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LİKE YOU SAY. Burası pek soğuk olmaz, alışmışsındır. But make a snow angel for me and the 6 years you couldn't. Smell this message, i am sooo sure it'll be smell like cologne from my quarantine days. HAPPY BİRTHDAY. SANA LOTS OF DEZENFEKTAN YOLLUYORUM, METRO TUTAMAÇLARINI TUTTUKTAN SONRA KULLANIRSIN. Değerimi bil. byü.

Epilogue

almost 4 years later

Dear past me,

Somehow, in 2021, I didn't reply to this letter. I think it was waiting for me to answer it today.
The horrendous days of quarantine ended in...

Laexr ouy anc 221,0.
Ayer myeor,na aueescb eth i̇zmir ni psetrna caltuyal oedvm to i dn'ot we oru leegl,oc eliv ratsetd ̇nlibtusa. .
Kitekn ot uoy ogt she'er gni,ht eth in ılzdyı ,sooo. Tub eevn it eniigma otn yuo hapenp ot nsigth wludo teh aws ni. . . . Rhete eyor'u in uaanseggl yndtisug. Ladnree uyo ouy atwh? nwko nad crfhne.
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Ot nacefr a mord imles iewrt eht dsa uoy rmoo ndou'lct no oyur tub porm oe'ryu itwh gonig in ruyo ceaf ot og mofr ihts.
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The bveao yuo ni ayn nto uyeor' ttacnoc eutfqrne as hiwt fo sa nkiht asenm. Uoy of olts eenv tmhe eno. Ssgdeeu that gthir :).
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In teh uoy dr,ieram ot og rwee scb ignddew cfnrae toc'dlnu eyran otg ouy.
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To sha ife,n caple uni oecls a si ci̇lla hse. Dya oldu'tcn smoe udo'lwt eth same onti tub be eth heac yuo redinf the fo uyo htiw fo guses atht etreh you teorsh inu otw gto tbse htme.
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Is keöçng oogd. She tedern uğalm a ni seouh. Tkutu hiwt ehs herte deussit. Utb ti'ddn tey rso,ry meet imh ouy. Yda soem ubt oeslc.
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Rzmi̇i sudesti iaarb ni. Yor'eu etraf you ̇mzrii ouy occattn vleea see ot otg td'ulocn her ubt again ni.
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Yda duase eon see cyalatul uyo illw. Isht tbe mdin wbol yuor afct lwil a i egnbi. Nmgoci ehset ouy wkno ditd'n see i.
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Boatu dsai cdol knitlga uoy unatbi̇sl tihmg hnew it ewre onkw i yuo eb and. Ttah you pcayielslcif heer evbeile mnae, yan i iads and paecl ubt dael us ndttid'. Rgieznef eurnd ozer recfan na awteerh whit to eth trrhneon. Be adn saubcee ot lodc os rncie ?f?wt?? efcrna in sit' hcum in.
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Eruslstgg anphep. Eaenpdhp in tsla asyre 5 tyeh het. Dirtfel ekrowd hda ouy yamn ppeelo drnsoewbka tbu nmya whit yanm ard,h oto. Lots uoy tols you irecd fo trehei nad nwte tub to arispet. Saol ads ruyo modev tbse ,issmeomet otrehna tou of fidsren ebd iwth gto amed to you oeeplp so nlotucd' uoy tub fo uoy ucnytor neo. Even wkno ety yuo thaw todn' knwo and g?iana uoy rhe. Rsmd,ae gh?rit ni is ont eenv in uryo tsih.
Dton' hktin i a vene atubo uoy 'tndo ti kown as ouy to coryntu iggon nteahor rthow rotsiut buescae. .
Eht tgnhi yuo ti rwhot is,. Oelv roem otnd' ywrro ki,tnh loy'lu vene uslfreoy hnta you. .
Uryo you eebelvdi dptaossnii ouy dlyl-ee-s-a8fro eilk ntdit'd. .
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Uoy ryve llpbyuc,i i eadth ti sseug is,hsu oyu rdeit. You eth esbaceu to suihs nwte that het eran psho fetar dnod'amlsc. .
For ou,y msoe akme tpu no nswo noos tcikh fetar sa a ngeal i il'l i rela celshot anc sa. Lslti i em nac hree :(> ti ohbtugr lesl also i tehy emsll oyvnilrautl o,golenc here aceuesb tdon' tiwh eth ecnsi ti.
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Nad lty,asl 19 was dogo. 19 enw dema uoy 8 nserfid at. Too one no oyu tyhe ddi slee hlpede lkei. Is osecl wo,n eoy'ur 22 23. Esulcels oy'eru to ilfe wne vmroiep illts rty autob ersulfyo lltis kmiang dan nseid,fr eo'uyr. Nihgt see cmuh ts'hat eevr tub otms ryev aiublelsp het lyluo' let,f 'youve.