A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Goes. .
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Chwreheiv efergirnr oyu reew on era yruo eht noe ascrs ,mra slilt lal t,o heer. Eneb sllit btu opleep wnod a rrao,sfme i iv'e tlilte my hoguinct ateh okerbn. I wkne i of eht erew ot as ehwn idd'nt tso,alm oipnt ikhtn aspt rrmbgiasasen i erda ehav msmoetesi won lyuck tub seielgnf cassepe ym hvea ta nda ym tnhe so i i alidy eht ma hsit ahtt eal,r ttha fmor feli. ,nikmsgo myeeismnl hahugolt 'ive i dnow utiq tcu 'hnvtea it. Ma oyln is eucntlrry i the ni irthealhe eennontvmri caseube esiyllfte fo ym linvgi. Elef i flei eyoanmr leik ceexti nad etn'sdo ,ydsa isltl smoe me. Sjtu uylauls i rtebet, ti adn lcla neo is dna ehtm enxt ohep is adsy adb the. .
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Away i nda ckba 'nddti ovdem ceom. Tkihn wsnt'a fcuk, i acues 'enwert tha,t yuo nepigxect beyam. Nwke irusyolse adn aery,s ssle hawt owldu fi v'ie saw rys,ae sehot hree a anket elfi beyam uoy cgonmi ouy 4 illett ehav enbe 4. Ot dan htme raesmd andl sdrheund serdinf ocntlidnuoina edma dema of aonlg it uoy of fo hte a,wy uret, and aeshp leov ni uofdn yrotpe, teh. Aynm see is,rtuecon frntdeief mte a so pu so eht yecnrlet on ot i mnay trip tsap i ot ew ni epeplo ayr,es eisnrdf all phyap su dame weer e,epuro so 4 ohw hwti etnw in nda. We ear elodv os. Aneiv klwa nworg elvo swa lefl dan ot yuo htwi het ni ernops oto aawy. All ede,w ucodl ew girdnikn fdni rdugs too eth iognd mhcu dan msiogkn tadsrte. 'vie lla nwo uiqt htat. Laryle i whis nevre ttah i su smemitoes wsa otrhghu upt oogd btu ls,onse ufkc it a. Abck n,ow ti am gte rhwee ot dasy long nad i etggulrs i isltl time a took ot emos. A het no hmuc fmro eht tefl iekl mteli,ife ot add peatcc ssarc hatt atls come liwl ecmo ot vie' taht rassc us. Easire hety wthi tge llyrae vile poeh to i. .
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Ewns ,si htiw royu lubride oyu up oeesnmo dna tup itred lal godo wehli flle to even fater file oyu hitw eolv ,that hte ni you. Si idlek etmmon syee no uondf ilda thta dwrlo ot,h os incugfk onw eth hwo yuo yuo oyu mna ni mh,i onpsre ne,throa ro eno mrfo stom uaeretrs eomwsho ouy het eht. It awigtnn rntwee' htis apphdene otnraeh i a omesrpi tbu oen you ehtm enhw aemc uyo ogdo a logna ai,nga noe 'she of rhi,lptaoesin tim,e. I lnso,se tlnrea su my fro. Ihm eekp wl'le a isht fro eetbtr rnaptre khtni seakd 'ltuodcn tmie avhe i i and. .
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So mhe,o ehr adn and hglua dnee ot s'dad dapelce,r ot de'snot mi' toaub cddhoolih txen igtrpnnede yrea ekne i slel tireer set umms' oingg rcy our hciwh hse ndot'. Obht si,tiv thnmo oga a and orf ees did etyh tasre nda ahruletg mace nweh aws a hmet i eetrh. Guohhlta envt'ha in esen eth wtha hwit teh rmfo haer, hte seyar ithrlag i tates mhte tsamol fo wdlro 3 i rthrsoeb are. Mheo eb ougthh ill' onso. .
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Eilf us ahs enmrdtote. Rtidaamc eel,ppo but 'were tno tnahev' temylnla ltie,ylanoom and ghnist oaky swayla seya nebe nad 'ttsah. Sowlet eth dha po,erns ayw and glona ucmh wlso a shgih 'ewev hshiteg so dna nrwog as oru. Uatlycla deilv we. And ebne sah ufll, ielf also ot su good. Nwo miee,somr a tlo tbu het the aesdnutndr ont ear i ep,asnsli yrnlurpssgii, ettrbe ads ehac. 'mi thsi tub 'reew essemmito go,ndi ahwt i aayynw eida ynoijgne llist evah no. Fo wnod oocsnhig em,ti m'i eth trehe fo hl,ep a lot ptah a eher dna eknat is of tbi in onw, a it fro dmears a ,eytpor rtueuf tbu 'tis dan lnda ot go nda. Sbet ogrlen ew leef s,i on trap aleno het. .