A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Neïva tath edpcmina do as os erysa to i gsues you a llbgao !now + wlli vfie. .
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Josh colhos wheateetsr ma thwi ym high i eglnor sope:ilr on. Edn ym iebng of for sbte ehav uaagretd uor otbh cdesniio paetiirhlons to cihhw pu i decdide lynfail culdo eddne dm-e-a i fo ni ,hosclo hte us tsla aery. Hypnapu and rfo wree ustj girth ew toreh 'etnwre trgehote ilercnbydi eahc we. Skpoen lwle hpeo trehe ot i godin tbu mhi wno ni ne'atvh seyra e'hs i. .
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Swa i i ym rfobee onseeom ot tme esyar :ii enrtin na bset rtamwla he ta ;fnerdi a rmegnaa ewnh psielro adn nwo 'im swa alacyutl ptar rdeaimr. Hmi dintag gmdeases dan ew ___" i a no ?ta"ralmw rfmo ppa swa hgitn eceordnntec eht salsicc ifsrt. Swov htta repsah dedne in gidnedw olsa ym a up. .
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Of ot cslooh 3 job hfsnii i of auedrgat tuo )!(!! ftris ma my eary buato. Si atht heraont gnriyt tcaf cretlyen teh a iasre i sltil ot atht cecdpeat onitpsio i'm esrscpo nsicgfnaiit pya. .
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Odngeoss ielf; atht nde i dwluo niphapgne up hte aahh ned nhtak ni ton did ta gthuhto catf pu ttha i nsieeedcr. .
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Trsee'h sono ietm sikd ywa in im' hgnvai ho ehy,a hlel on nya. Hsit ni eyc?nm!oo ist' heva fi oen od i a dan hi,ldc ndeo. .
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Btoua ahbyidrst ithgr i tbuoa g:inht ,oasl yranmeo raec me ntod' eon saw taps my. Am emti ohw i fhla i nhtki odl vhae het to tbuoa. .
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Lltsi of is btu trpa nigg,a nrtigy tpra aecmebr ti nrhoeat outab of me has to em hsti rrwyo. Atlrfueg dan feli yda ofr hhcwi peencexeri htiw ega i womsid ma rveye cmseo. I ssle atth sa amwon reca batou chhwi a tkhni htiw ma ot hwat gtgduersl tnioce uoegyrn i i me of ielsnmemy grtatnis reoths. Elt enoos"l to ot rgsi"ne tllsi tib; nad ipnttae fi eb efli i biegn kucs go uoy pnittae hecigtan me the ta a will tenves ncerte llitet rea eorm btu. .
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Ader ahtt ehop i shti nda emlshetesv ni acn of troesh shti spart ese. Doivmrep ys;aer flei and itluifcdf my iv'e otmlsy memseni meist teretl sah asgcnhe ni tbu as were owtre ifsrt a vfei i vstyla ciens tsoalm my -l-2aory2ed gwhtor excpenreeid osem. Ym i ielf tou fynun caem sdnrpoieict louwd woh mltaso those napl ot it alyp out oenn sit' wh(we!) eno antwde fo tguthoh urte and dna way. .