A letter from April 26th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, HAPPY 30th birthday! I really hope that you are happy today. I hope that whatever it is you're doing, wherever you are today that you are happy. I can't believe we're 30! Wow! Aging is so weird isn't it? At this moment, I am 25; sitting at home sick, thinking about how terrified I am that my youth is coming to an end. The thing is, I have no idea what to do with our life. I don't know if I want to get into marketing, but that's where I'm at right now. I miss writing, but it seems that I do everything these days but write. I am running around like a fucking crazy person since moving to New York and some of that has come off itself onto me. I don't like the anxiety of this state, I don't like how rushed I feel all the time. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to think all the things I want to think, read all the things I want to read, and do all the things I want to do- does that get better wherever you are? Are you happier now? Did we find what we loved? If we didn't- I hope that we are at least happy. 30 is a big number, try not to be afraid of it. We are 30, flirty and thriving! Hopefully.. This year I am going to SC twice, and also trying to figure out if grad school is worth the money. If marriage is worth the headache, if the white-picket fence thing is actually for me. I wish I could look through a window at wherever you are right now and adjust accordingly. Did you get married?! Where!? Did you have any regrets? Did you ever make it back to California? Where else in the world have you gone? So many questions! But I'm sure you have answered them all already. I love you so much, I love us, and I love this experience on earth. If weed is legal nation wide, find a joint with some napa red wine today, and laugh. Laugh, dance, cry, celebrate. Happy 30th

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Why Hello there 25 year old self. My goodness, what a journey we’ve already had and will continue on.

Yes, things will...

Swlo. .
Ys,e ni - dna ucitonen lyu’ol atengkmri od wlel. .
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Ekma aonclfaiir segsu ?athw yuo did ti abck ot. Mdni wtha - alcyxet itl’l not mtei iilnarcaof hda tsih tohernnr in oyu btu eb. Nas scrinacfo ot fsyulroe emvo uoy. .
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Sye aah,h. Wkon i. .
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Ergat ni eys rae het dna athhle ctas yo!u injo. .
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Ni ehilw rouy oto had nmid uyo good ’llti for tli’l rdha it eb be hte btu emrda nuyns - sat’wn - aclaiirofn luos. Oruy nrfisrtlamtoanao het gbinniegn lefi a of oarjm htcerap fo its’. Henacg rbea imdn lodwr tgienhvyre rnuado ,yuo cpemlotyle eth oyu - illw ttha but ni dan kenw. .
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Isveurv lly’ou tbu. Ebceasu dan fo eoembc norrtges ti. .
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Nesw dogo rmeo. Otmusale ardriem iraelcg - to ltinoaan in gte oyru ouy od rkap. Swa lfei arni erpoud - ady btu eht l,adhie ti royu and of tshaipep it nsde,ow. .
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Aywa lal i anct’ tguohh ti evgi. Ithwin uoery’ eth dna nda eltar mfor nsepor be inrsiged rseay ’lyoul erpson erscpe,t lilw - hatt tub hmuc os ,cetefrp iacpeatper the o’uyll l,veo an’ter. Yrou oyu ndto’ to og cbak orryw tca’n oot enittsew dna tyr umch ces-buea yjneo. .